Wednesday, February 18, 2009

why are you reading this post?

Hey there ... just checking in, have you come over to the new site yet? Seriously, what's holding you back? Why are you still here? You're missing out on all the fun of web 2 point woah we're having there. God, it's like you're still using that 40-pound button covered first-generation iPod and we're over there touching screens and downloading aps that do nothing but simulate the experience of drinking a beer. Hey, and on Thursday it will be the one-year anniversary of this blog, borne out of an hour of discounted beers and desperation in the lowly corner of a bar on Hilton Head. My, how far we've come. The use of spellcheck! Elementary level HTML editing! Just as many posts written when half-drunk on wine, but better quality wine!
Why not celebrate by changing your book marks and casting off this old, weary husk of a site?

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


[EDIT: links fixed to take you to the actual site, not intra-blogger nonsense. Sorry about that]


By "we" I mean "me," and by "moving," I mean, switching to Wordpress. Blogger has done me well, but I can't shake the feeling that hanging on here is like keeping an AOL account in the era of Gmail. Yes, I know Google owns Blogger too, but just embrace the metaphor, ok?

So join me, won't you, all three loyal readers, into a journey of newness and wonder and awe and aweness and wondernew and blogenfreude at the new Inverted Soapbox, now at

new features include:
* A wholly owned and licensed domain name! Less typing of letters means more letters you can put back into the American economy
* Shiny new layout that looks like every other Wordpress blog - no more "grandma's upholstery" background theme!
* A "top posts" feature - see for yourself what topics get the most random google search traffic from Jakarta!
* More links! Bigger blogroll! (smaller porkroll, however, sorry)
* Pingbacks - let the blogcest begin!
* Uh, probably some other features that, you know, I'll add later or something!
* Pan-asian cuisine!
* More reporting from the frontlines of vagabondage in New York City!
* Recommended hummus-related products!
* Better organization!

So check it out, if you care to....

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Rejected list: Words that Have Been Edited Out of My Stories

This is actually my first ever submission and subsequent rejection to McSweeney's, dating way back to ye olden January aught seven. I've been meaning to post this for awhile, seeing as this blog is nothing else if not a compendium failure:

Words That Have Been Edited Out of My News Stories Because, Even
Though The Average Age of Our Readership is 60, Journalists Must Write
at a Sixth Grade Level, and Other Reasons the Newspaper Industry Is In


Words that Have Inexplicably Not Been Edited Out of My Stories
Fiduciary solvency

Keller Williams to jam through New Year's Eve on Hilton Head

(The Guide, 12/26/08) Forgive the hippies. They really aren’t trying to stop you from selling your house. They simply have a deep appreciation for groovy, hip-moving, light tunes from an artist who’s best known as being a one-man jam band.

So you’ll understand why, in the early ’90s, when Keller Williams first started to become known on the scene, it was common to see fans at his shows holding still-muddy Keller Williams Realty signs, ripped from nearby lawns.

That practice has mostly abated, which is a good thing, as Williams is coming to the land of prime real estate when he plays a three-set New Year’s Eve show at the Shoreline Ballroom on Hilton Head Island. The concert will include a special all-request set and an extra-special “Grunge Grass” set featuring bluegrass covers of ’90s alternative hits from the likes of Nirvana and Alice in Chains.

But the rest will feature Williams alone on stage, using his signature method of looping his own performance on different instruments to create a bigger, multilayerd sound.

Question. What’s the deal with this all-request set?

Answer. When you buy a ticket, you’re allowed a request. We’re doing a set of just what people requested. There’s no rules, you know. The majority of the requests is stuff that I haven’t played in a long time, like off early records. Sometimes (fans) request something off the wall, something they want to hear covered. I definitely don’t do it often — maybe one or two a year, just to try to make it more interesting.

Q. How did you get started doing the looped recording?

A. It was just me wanting to go further with just what I had — me and a guitar and a microphone. I was out on tour with (the String Cheese Incident), and I started to try the loop thing. That’s when people started to respond. I guess it was me wanting to go further, create more of a dance-vibe as a solo act by pressing some sequencers. I wanted to keep it more organic, kind of create the loops myself, bring the studio to the stage. I didn’t come up with it, but I expanded it, maybe. I always wanted to have a band, but I was never able to afford it. I love playing in (a) band. The energy way surpasses my solo show, but the solo thing is kind of what I do. It’s the day job.

Q. What was your worst New Year’s?

A. Two years ago, the day before, we lost my dog, Earl, who’s been with my wife and I. It was super crushing. That was by far the worst.

Q. And the best?

A. I opened for String Cheese so many times. They know how to put on a show. They would sink so much money in New Year’s Eve: lasers, trapeze, circus performers, concepts. The band would rev up the audience so much where the energy was just incredible.

Q. Do you worry someone will buy a ticket to the show and think it’s a real estate seminar?

A. I will welcome that personally. That will by far help me out in a great way. I might even make some new friends that way too. If you’re looking at property anywhere, please let me know. I’ll be happy to set you up with a proper representative.

Q: I think you will even pass at least one Keller Williams office on your way to the show.

A. I’m everywhere, man.

New Year’s Eve Extravaganza, feat. Keller Williams, Grunge Grass and DJ Moe Marsh
When: 7:30 p.m. Dec. 31
Where: Shoreline Ballroom, 40 Folly Field Road, Hilton Head Island
Tickets: $25 in advance, $30 day of show
Information: 843-842-0358.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Happy Holidays, y'all

Good tidings, no matter what your holiday:

and the real reason for the season:

Monday, December 22, 2008

"First pants, THEN your shoes"

Great find of the day: real life recreations of Far Side comics. Click here to see the rest.

The phone lines are over there!

Ghostbusters 2 was apparently taking place on the stairway in the Court St. station at midnight last night.

Here's the related scene from the movie, in French, because Bill Murray in French is still Bill Murray:

Hey what? You boneheads are going to come to harass me on again? I got 3 thousand phone lines grounded here, I got about 8 million miles of cable I gotta check, you're gonna come and shake my monkey tree again?