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No, gentle reader, this is not some photoshopped chicanery by malicious interweb trolls out to shatter my already fragile psyche. This is true, verified and confirmed by all sorts of PR people and club managers. Ted Leo, TED FREAKIN LEO, is booked to come to posh, docile little Hilton Head Island. You must immerse yourself in perspective to fully comprehend this. Several items to consider:1) In the three years I've been here, musical acts on Hilton Head have included:
-Journey
-Foreigner
-Hootie and the Blowfish (x2)
-Blues Traveler (x2)
-Spin Doctors
-Tantric
-George Clinton
-Ride the Lightning (Metallica cover band)
-Fishbone
-Kenny Rogers
-Chevelle
-Eduardo Dinero (BKA Eddie Money)*
-Black Light Burns
-Dionne Warwick
-Brian Howe
2) A typical playlist at an island bar consists of the following, either in recorded or live cover version:
"Sweet Home Alabama"
"Cheeseburger in Paradise"
"That Was a Crazy Game of Poker"
"Don't Cha"
"The Thong Song"
"Let the Good Times Roll"
"Sweet Home Alabama"
Various by Linkin Park
The latest Usher song
The latest Kid Rock song
"Piano Man"
"Hollaback Girl"
"Sweet Home Alabama"
"Piano Man"
"Bad Day"
"Brown Eyed Girl"
"Sweet Home Alabama" into "Cheeseburger in Paradise"
"Back in Black"
"You're Beautiful"
Put that playlist into your headPod and hit repeat. Allow it to play for 625 days straight, and you get the picture.
3) Approximate number of people on Hilton Head who know of Ted Leo's existence: 8
Approximate number of people outside The Island Packet who know of Ted Leo's existence: 2
(margin of error +/- 2)
4) Activities of the average Ted Leo fan: leftist political protests; music blogging; purchasing pomade for mohawk; cataloging Joe Strummer b-side discs; checking Barack Obama's Twitter page.
Activities of average Hilton Head resident: golfing, yacht shopping, aging, complaining about illegal immigrants; polishing "W '04" bumper sticker; stopping randomly in the fast lane on major highways; remembering things the way they used to be; taking family pictures in khaki pants and white
T-shirts on the beach.All this adds up to a pretty ridiculously improbable appearance for Teddy and his crew. They just got done playing in front of thousands at sold-out shows at MSG and elsewhere opening for Pearl Jam. Now they're going to play in front of four local newspaper staff writers and maybe a handful of state-line jumping hipsters from Savannah. Jawsome.
I don't understand it, but goddamnit am I excited for it. We figure Ted is going to be forced to hang out with us after the show, because, let's face it: what else is he gonna do? The Wild Wing Cafe is not, we can be certain, where the rude boys have gone.
RELATED:
• Column: What's a loud band like you doing in a nice place like this?
• Interview with Ted Leo, when he toured through Orlando and Atlanta in 2007
* You need to read this interview my roommate did with Eddie Money, for this quote alone:
Q. How often are you on the road?
A. I'm on the road every weekend if I can help it. Everyone in the band has kids and they're divorced so everyone's miserable. So if they didn't work for me they'd go work for Styx or R.E.O. (Speedwagon). I try to keep the band happening.
