The floating hall of Doom has a landline

Here's an odd phenomenon: when Fox News calls you, as they have us about 347 times in the past week, their number comes up "Unkown" on your cell phone. I confirmed this with another reporter who also was the object of a Fox News crush this week. This does not occur when CNN or MSNBC or Good Morning America calls you, who are happy to let their Atlanta or New York numbers appear on the little caller id window and say "hi, it's me, your friendly big brother media from the city, calling to wish you good times and happy thoughts."

Not Fox News. This leads to all sorts of speculation about where in the hell Fox News is actually based. My friend Pete (not pictured here) says it's because when you *69 the number it rings through to Hitler's bunker. I assume it just rings through to a lavish basement office in the White House (for the past seven years, at least). There's a secret tunnel leading out through the Ellipse (if you've seen the movie "Dave," as you should, you know where it is) that they can rush out of to chase after missing white people or to find out just how much more Muslim Barack Obama is this week. The answer: very Muslim. I mean, he lived in Indonesia people. They've only got too things in Indonesia: steers and Muslims. Coincidentally, 13 percent of voters also believe Obama is a figment of Oprah's imagination and that his foreign policy experience is limited to his denouncement of Senator Palpatine's consolidation of power.

Where Fox is truly located, we may never know, though odds are the words "floating," "hall" and "doom" are involved somehow.

But why all the secrecy? It's not like they're doing anything behind those doors where anonymity would be a benefit. Oh wait.