Monday, March 31, 2008

Edict from on High Enters the Sticky Racial Debate of 1990


Interesting news this week from the majestic mountain in the clouds from which the lords of style congregate and proclaim the rules of words across the land.

The official AP Style has long been a hold-out for the use of the term "black" to describe a, um, black person in news stories, even as individual newspapers changed their internal styles to "African-American." The Washington Post and NPR are the two examples that come to mind that use the sometimes clunky African-American instead of black. In my sophomore year of college, my head still swimming with all the yearning for political correctness and do-goodedness that would eventually be slowly beaten out of my by the GW administration and its affirmative action policies that required a 95 percent douchebag acceptance rate, I remember using "African-American" in a story about a controversy at Howard University. My managing editor, never one for subtlety, asked me if I knew for a fact these people were from Africa. Well, uh, um, no, I stammered, searching my oversized corduroy pants for my notebook. Well then, they're just "black," he said. Lesson learned, I suppose. (That same editor would also make a scene if he thought you were backing into a lead by rocketing his rolling chair backwards from his desk, making beeping noises and yelling "Watch out everyone! I'm backing up here!")
Note: I just checked and he works for the Salt Lake Tribune now. Another reporter I worked with at that paper was on The Daily Show the other day because he had been reporting in Iraq for Newsweek. Which is exactly like writing about traffic circle construction and tax increment financing, as far as I'm concerned.

But lo, the clouds hath parted and the booming voice of style deities has spake into the changing winds. AP Style now accepts African-American as a description of black people. It is unclear what phrasing Vogue used when describing LeBron James, however.


Here's the AP update we received:

African-American

Acceptable for an American black person of African descent. Black is also acceptable. The terms are not necessarily interchangeable. People from Caribbean nations, for example, generally refer to themselves as Caribbean-American. Follow a person's preference. See nationalities and races, and race entries.

black

Acceptable for a person of the black race. (Use Negro only in names of organizations or in quotations.) Do not use colored as a synonym. See colored, nationalities and races, and race entries.

So this creates an interesting question. If African-American is acceptable only for people genuinely of African descent, are we as reporters not obligated to ask everyone where their ancestry comes from? If so, why not fine tune it to say "Nigerian-American," or "Kenyan-American?" Or you have the indelicate task of asking a question "What do you prefer to be called?" I'm sure most interview subjects would prefer to you not really parse race politics in your article.

Not being a blackrican-American person myself, but sympathetic to the cause, I don't know the best way to handle this. I have a feeling continuing to use "black" and "white" to describe people when necessary will win out, only because hyphenated descriptions are far too clunky for your average news story, and race is so imprecise a way to describe someone anyhow. Most of the instances when race is relevant in a news story is when it's a factor in someone's treatment or someone's actions. The Media have a horrible habit of classifying all persons of race as a monolithic slab, such as the Will Black People Vote For Obama? frenzy of late or the
How Do Hispanics Feel About Immigration? question that Lou Dobbs wets himself over at night.

So does this represent some seismic shift in the way media talk about race? Probably not. But us white people do love talking about how uncomfortable we are talking about race.

Friday, March 28, 2008

The Weekly Winkerbean

A new feature, through which to unleash my rage at the so-called comic strip known as "Funky Winkerbean." The strip is the epicenter of my anger on a daily basis, yet it continues to appear unironically in our newspaper. So we decided to make it ironic.


Funky is an oppressive and shrewd taskmaster
March 17-23: recap

Funky wants to hire an employee for his pizza parlor, but needs one who will log the requisite number of hours that constitute a workday. Disbelief is expressed that someone would want a weekend off. It is revealed Funky is a workaholic. A man resembling Harvey Fierstein destroys the want ad before expressing interest in the job.
Harvey Fierstein explains the money he would earn at this pizzeria is the difference between his daughter — who is already sleeping around — going to college or becoming a street trash. While he is not a poor teaacher, the man explains, he is a poor teacher (actual dialogue).
The two shake hands on the matter and agree to remain friends, despite overwhelming evidence that working together ruins friendships. Later, they begin their business partnership by looking for Funky’s glasses, which he has comically misplaced.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Trivia Team/Band Names, as Related to Yesterday's Developments in the Missing Persons Case


-Hypothetical Press Release
-The Repentant Spokesman
-Ripped Crotch and the Exposed Flesh
-Reputation Management Services
-Authors of Nancy Drew Mysteries
-Locked Bathroom and the Phantom Knife
-Stu Rodman's Political Genius
-Your Trash Provides No Clues

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Even Nelson Knows

This is from a while ago, coincidentally the only new episode of The Simpsons I actually watched since several hair styles ago. Other mediums the Simpsons has denounced over the years: snake-whacking, gay-hunting, gun ownership, religious zealotry and autocratic political rule.




"Hey, that hurts. No wonder no one came to my birthday party."

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The floating hall of Doom has a landline

Here's an odd phenomenon: when Fox News calls you, as they have us about 347 times in the past week, their number comes up "Unkown" on your cell phone. I confirmed this with another reporter who also was the object of a Fox News crush this week. This does not occur when CNN or MSNBC or Good Morning America calls you, who are happy to let their Atlanta or New York numbers appear on the little caller id window and say "hi, it's me, your friendly big brother media from the city, calling to wish you good times and happy thoughts."

Not Fox News. This leads to all sorts of speculation about where in the hell Fox News is actually based. My friend Pete (not pictured here) says it's because when you *69 the number it rings through to Hitler's bunker. I assume it just rings through to a lavish basement office in the White House (for the past seven years, at least). There's a secret tunnel leading out through the Ellipse (if you've seen the movie "Dave," as you should, you know where it is) that they can rush out of to chase after missing white people or to find out just how much more Muslim Barack Obama is this week. The answer: very Muslim. I mean, he lived in Indonesia people. They've only got too things in Indonesia: steers and Muslims. Coincidentally, 13 percent of voters also believe Obama is a figment of Oprah's imagination and that his foreign policy experience is limited to his denouncement of Senator Palpatine's consolidation of power.

Where Fox is truly located, we may never know, though odds are the words "floating," "hall" and "doom" are involved somehow.

But why all the secrecy? It's not like they're doing anything behind those doors where anonymity would be a benefit. Oh wait.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Teevee debut: I Am Wolf Blitzer's Mustache

Taking off from the previous post about teevee news reporters and their proclivity to interview newspaper writers, I got a call from Fox News (known for their thoughtful, sensitive and in no way over-the-top coverage of missing persons, tragedies and other events) over the weekend asking to do an interview about the big missing white people story that we've been all over down here. I agreed, despite any hesitations I may have about the visual and verbal histrionics Fox often wraps its stories in. I figure it's good to get the paper's name out there at least, and maybe some sympathetic and doting millionaire will see our name and decide to invest unrestricted fortunes into improving and expanding our paper.

It lasted all of about three minutes (which I'm glad I didn't have to drive down to the Savannah TV station for) and went fine, besides the fact that they inexplicably labeled me "head reporter" when I'm actually the reporter whose probably contributed least to this story out of everyone who's been working on it. The promotion by Fox comes with no pay raise, I was informed by editors afterwards.

I made the mistake of hinting at some of the rumors circulating about the disappearance, none of which are substantiated and any of which could just as likely be the product of the vicious rumor mill this town seems to foster. Just ask the illegal immigrants living on the BI-LO roof. Or find Oprah's estate and ask her.

Of course, the Fox anchor started frothing at the beak at the mention of seedy rumors, especially when the blockbuster hint at financial malfeasance starting visions of sugarplums dancing in Fox's head. I had to back up away from the rumor talk so John and Jane Q. Average Viewer didn't walk away with the idea that we were casting aspersions that the two missing people were embezzling masterminds.

CNN called at about 5:45 p.m. today, which went similarly except I tried to shy away from mentioning the rumor part. I was hoping they would put me through to Wolf Blitzer so I could tell him about the overstock of 45 flat screen TVs I have lying around that he may want to purchase. But they put me through instead to Headline News, which is the Spark Notes version of CNN.

What does all this mean? I can now have an IMDB page! Hazzah! Oh, wait, I already have one.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

The Pirates Who Pillage Boredom

Found this free video site today that looks an awful lot like TV Links, except it appears to be channeled through a site in the Cocos Islands, a territory of Australia, according to whoever wrote it into wikipedia. It seems like there's dozens of these new sites popping up every week. The pace of piracy always seems too fast for legality to keep up with.

How dearly I miss TV Links, which was solely responsible for preserving my sanity during strep throat last spring. We spent many a lonely moment together.

Reborn?